Hi.  My name is Bunny and I am Becky's sister, though you may know her as Becca.  She asked me to come in and comment about my own chemo therepy in the hopes that it may help your daughter-in-law.

I thought I had a tubal pregnancy, but it was a cancer on my ovaries, spreading to my cervix and lymph nodes.  When it was removed my ovary was the size of a soccer ball!  They gave me 5 years to live.  That was 19 years ago.

My chemo was the strongest they had at the time, a combination of a drug called cisplatinum and something else, but I forget what.  I checked into the hospital every 3rd week, did 24 hours of a toxic drip, then went home.  My first days home were ok, but every day I got weaker and weaker until I was flat on my back for a week or more, with a trip once a day to the toilet being about all I could manage to do--and I had to be helped to do that.  My depressions were so bad that all I could think about was how to end my life--and if I could have gotten from the bed I probably would have tried to do just that.  Then gradually I would start feeling better, and by the time I had to go back to the hospital I was up walking--but knowing what was coming.  Out of each three weeks I had maybe 3 days that were bearable.   I did this for nine months!   This was not a fun time.

However, there were some things that I did to make my life more comfortable.  First, I decided that I knew my body better than anyone else did, and what it was telling me was that I had to do something to make myself feel better.  About the only thing that I was able to do towards that was taking hot showers--when I could stand.  However, since I was on such a long term treatment the doctors decided to put a groshawn catheter into my body--a direct line into my heart to drip the drugs into--but they did not tell me before hand that I could not shower while it was in me.  They told me that after the fact.  Well, that did it.  I told them in no uncertain terms that they had better figure out a way because in the morning I was getting into the shower come heck or high water--which I did.  They did not want to do it, but the next morning, just as I am making my way to the showers, they came running and taped me up really good.  I never did give up my showers, though I did get infections in the line all the time--like giant pimple full of pus--which I just cleaned out.  I HAD  TO  HAVE  CONTROL  OF  SOMETHING.

The second thing I did was learn that it is my body and I HAD  THE  RIGHT  TO SAY  WHAT  WAS  GOING  TO  HAPPEN  TO  IT.  Very liberating.  If I wanted chocolate, then I ate chocolate.  Whatever I craved I allowed myself.  True, at this time I didn't want much, even lost about 80 pounds, but I allowed myself the freedom to indulge myself.

Thirdly, and you may not like this one, I decided when I had had enough--and I quit the treatments.  When I was getting suicidal my doctor told me it was time for me to see a psychiatrist.  BULL!  It wasn't me but the drugs and I knew it.  I did as much chemo as I possiblly could because I love life, I love my husband, and I didn't want to leave my kids.  I tried to bear it as long as I could.  BUT, there came a time when it was a choice of QUALITY of life or QUANTITY.  Life at that time was a living hell, and I chose to go for quality.  I would not do it any differently today if I had to make that choice.  I would take all I could, push as hard as I could, but eventually would make the same choice.  The doctors wanted to do an exploritory surgery after this and I said no.  Either I was cured or I was dying--either way I planned on living well the remainder of my days.  This was about 17 years ago.

Fourth:  And I think one of the most important of them all:  LAUGHTER!  I could manage the remote control and I watched anything and everything that would make me laugh.  I had always been the kind of person who was focused on family, and not on myself.  When I quit the treatments I decided that it was time to do something for ME...and I did.  I became a clown!  (You can see me at BumpANose.com).  Meanwhile, I watched funny movies, gave up reading the newspaper because it was such a downer, anything at all to make my life a bit happier.  Well, I'm still here if that is any testimony to you.

Cancer and chemo are not all bad.  Dan (my honey) and I had been going through a bad year.  We had so many things bad happen:  Dan lost his job. (out of work 14 months)  My mother died.   I got cancer.  Our car broke down and was unfixable--even if we had the money.  We almost lost our home.  I was in a wreck that sent me back to the hospital.  And one other thing that I can never remember.  BUT--  we made it through.  When you go through a bad patch like this it can make you or break you.  Dan and I had been drawing apart for some time, but these things, especially the cancer, pulled us closer together.  I can honestly tell you that I am now greatful for the hard times.

Also, cancer can have a funny side!  Yes, I lost my hair, and I hated that.  Oh, well.  My daughter decided to take me and Dan on a 3 day cruise--cool!  I had to wear wigs, and I had a couple of nice ones--but wigs can be hot.  Anyway, we're on this cruise, I was getting hot and sticky and decided to go change.  We, (me, Dan, Dawn and her husband and son) were in this tiny closet of a room down in the hold of the ship--I kid you not.  All we had for our clothing was our luggage and a couple of hooks on the wall.  Well, I took off my slacks, hung them on the hook.  Took off my blouse, hung that on top of the slacks.  Took off my wig and hung that on top of the blouse.  Changed and left.  Well, our steward came into the room, saw my things hanging there looking for all the world like a person, thought I had committed suicide and had a royal cow!!!  I must have scared him half to death and am glad I wasn't around to witness his reaction, but it was the talk of the ship for some time!  And though it wasn't funny to him, it was funny.  We still laugh about this.

If I could give your daughter-in-law any advice it would be this:  Hang in there, do the best you can to accept the treatments, do anything and everything that gives you any bit of pleasure or comfort, laugh, laugh some more, don't allow yourself to be bullied into anything, and take comfort in those around you that love you.  It will get better.  Maybe not tomorrow, but soon.  Oh, yes, don't forget our Father in Heaven.  With Him all things are possible.  Hug everyone you love every chance you get.  Let them know that you care. 

Hugs.

Bunny